Who’s the REAL asshole?
ANYONE who imposes their own will upon another is the actual ASSHOLE.
The religious zealot attempting to follow their own religion while expecting others to do the same
The parent living vicariously through their child
The treatment provider disregarding a patient’s preferences, cultural constraints, or willingness to abide by what they consider “best practices”
The emotionally dysregulated partner demanding their significant other be their source/ method of regulating
The loved one who places a “principle” (moral judgment) over the person (hate the sin, love the sinner)
WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE US THEN?
Anarchy? Chaos?
NO.
It means fully owning responsibility for YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and leaving others to do the same.
EVEN IF:
They are acting against their own best interest (e.g., high risk behaviors). YOU have a right to keep yourself safe and ask them to do the same but if they flat out refuse, you allow them to experience the NATURAL consequences of such, which may include an intervention. They still have a right to refuse treatment however and you have the right to cut off contact if that’s what you deem necessary.
They are suicidal. Scary, and potentially devastating to all who know and love them, but their body, their choice. Let me be clear - you absolutely offer help! You provide whatever support you’re capable of, but IF they take themselves out of this world before their natural time, that is their right and NOT a slight against you. It is their pain which you have offered to help shoulder but at the end of the day, it is their autonomy on the line.
What they do NOT have a right to is homicide. They are not allowed to take another’s life.
They have a lifestyle, relationship, or sexual script that is odd or off putting to you. As long as they are not violating another’s autonomy (i.e., consent and age of consent or legal issue), it is not for you to interfere or even get much of a say on.
IS IT STARTING TO SINK IN?
You get to live out your life with as much gusto and grace as YOU can muster. And by being the best you that you can be, you offer safety to others to figure that out for themselves.
After all, even the most religious of Christians has been admonished by the most Pharisee of Pharisees, the apostle Paul, who wrote in the book of Philippians to “work out YOUR OWN salvation with fear and trembling.”
In other words, WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF, not what your neighbor is doing lest you condemn yourself (and likely end up alone or at the very least, continuously frustrated).
