Healthy self-objectification

What if I told you that your valiant efforts to be a kind human being are keeping you from the types of hot sex and profits you really want? 

Hear me out… it’s absolutely wonderful that you want to be respectful and a “giver” in your interactions with others, certainly in your *ahem*, seggs BUT, until and unless you also know how to be authentically in your own power and prowess, you’re quite literally impotent regardless of gender identification. This is true across the board for all walks of life and personality profiles, but most especially prevalent in those naturally more “aggressive.” 

Confidence is consistently, across time, culture, gender and sexual attraction, rated to be the number one quality we all find irresistible from boardroom to bedroom. Nobody wants to close deals of any kind with someone who isn’t sure about what they bring to the table. Even in D/S relationships, the submissive who’s enthusiastic about their deference of power in the moment is the one who provides the greatest enjoyment to their dom/ domme. 

Michelangelo, Dying Slave, 1513-16, Louvre

Furthermore, there are good reasons why the vast majority of those elevated to the C-suite of companies often rate higher on scales of narcissistic traits than others. As leadership expert, Michael Maccoby explains:

“Narcissists… are independent and not easily impressed. They are innovators... Productive narcissists are experts in their industries, but they go beyond it. They also pose the critical questions. They want to learn everything about everything that affects the company and its products. [Speaking of Freud’s 3 main personality types] Unlike erotics, they want to be admired, not loved. And unlike obsessives, they are not troubled by a punishing superego, so they are able to aggressively pursue their goals.”

The ability to own your strengths and to unapologetically go after what you want is crucial to long term success in any area. I’m not all proposing that we all develop sociopathic delusions of grandeur that ignore the needs of our employees or sexual partners, but rather that we would do well to drop the unhelpful false humility or modesty. 

As a leader and a lover, you need to see yourself as having inherent value and be able to consistently display your confidence so that those experiencing you feel comfortable handing over their pennies or their panties. 

Conversely, when you are so grounded in who you truly are and what you bring to the table, you also make it safe for others to feel wanted, as the object of your desire and worthy of being pursued. Columnist Ann Friedman sheds light on this seeming erotic paradox:

When it comes to even the most settled feminist issues, context is everything. No woman wants to be subjected to a constant stream of comments about her body. No woman wants to be seen as an object for men’s pleasure as she’s walking down the street or running a meeting at work or having a conversation about the news. Occasionally, though, a little objectification is exactly what we need — but only if the objectifier is a man who, in most other circumstances and outside the bedroom, is quick to recognize our many other incredible qualities.

Bottom line, we ALL want to be wanted. We’d all like to feel in demand, at least sometimes, whether we’re seeking new investors, a promotion, or just that hot date to call us back. Do yourself a favor and allow yourself to feel and embody a little (or a lot) of some healthy self-objectification. If YOU believe it, the world will too. 

Can you imagine an organization or relationship where everyone owns what they’re great at and is rewarded for it?